Shatter
by peace-love-angstyfanfiction
Summary: It's harder to enjoy any of this when Kano is an absolute wreck who refuses to let Seto love him like he deserves to be loved. SetoKano, less porny more angsty, a few years after the anime canon.


"S-seto…" Kano murmurs, but it isn't right. It's not a moan, it's too broken. When Seto looks into his mind, he all he hears is loud and desperate and angry and sad and a few last traces of loneliness Kano is quite clearly trying to fight off. "Ha, ha…" he breathes, as it all flashes into a bright white of dull pleasure.

Seto grits his teeth, pants, the whole deal. Kano has always been amazing in bed, so of course it feels good, but it's harder to enjoy when he knows that the man he loves is-

Is what? What is he, what is any of this, this climbing in windows at two am with new scars and fresh tears and trying to, what, hide away from the pain? Seto knows that it never really helps Kano. Seto knows that Kano is every bit as in love with him as he is with Kano. He just can't seem to figure out why he doesn't stop by on Sunday afternoons or Thursday mornings or just pick up the damn phone when Seto calls to ask if he's still alive.

It's harder to enjoy any of this when Kano is an absolute wreck who refuses to let Seto love him like he deserves to be loved.

So Seto tries to move his too-tight grip from the rise and fall of Kano's hips, tries to embrace him, tries to do something, _something, anything_ to break this cycle, but Kano just pins his wrist to the mattress and slams himself back down. He's all gritting teeth and tears are falling from his lying eyes and "Kano! Kano, stop!"

Seto rips his hands up out of Kano's loose hold and pulls him down, pulls him away from the intimacy he's using as another form of his self-destruction. Lips meet damp blonde hair, and Kano's image is fluttering in that way it does when he can't quite keep a mask on, like static raging over a cold computer just before it gives out.

"Did I hurt you?" Kano asks quietly, and Seto can feel the tears hit his own cheek.

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry." His voice is gentle, fragile, glass. Kano's quaking now, muscles giving out as he collapses into Seto, unsatisfied and scared and completely stupid.

"It's okay, you can make it up to me," he whispers, very slowly wrapping his arms around Kano.

He sniffs. "How's that? You wanna be on top?"

"You can let me love you, Kano."

And just like that, he shatters. The sobs are louder than any moans they've ever made and as Seto pets his hair and kisses the tears away, he looks into his mind and sees it all come crashing down. He can't quite put his finger on what, but they were the banisters of all of this pride, the support beams that of whatever thought continued to make Kano take dick but be gone by morning, the demons that borrowed his lips to whisper to Seto to pull his hair and squeeze his neck and a thousand other things that Kano didn't need, didn't want. Whatever is now being smashed to pieces after months of getting nicked and prodded, it's what drove Kano to turn one of his last good relationships, one of his last chances at intimacy and love and acceptance and health into sick twisted anger fucking to try and make him forget.

"I love you, I love you," Seto whispers, and he can hear his own words echo through Kano's mind as his breathing is ragged and torn.

They stay like that for a while, and Kano doesn't say anything, he just starts to kiss Seto's shoulder and gives him a meaningful look. With a vague nod, Seto props himself up and straddles Kano.

"You're beautiful," he says, slipping two fingers back into Kano to make sure he's ready. There are none of the usual hurried whispers, none of the needy groans. Uneven breaths fill the empty air as Seto runs a free hand lazily over the contours of Kano's body. His lips follow, setting lazy patterns of kisses on everywhere he can reach, and Kano sighs softly. He mutters "So beautiful, Shuuya, I love you" into Kano's ear as he presses back in slowly, carefully. He pauses once Kano is completely around him, waits for some sort of signal. Legs around his waist and arms around his neck are signal enough for him.

Seto could cry too, when Kano makes this keening noise, and his head fills up with gentle swirls of exhausted contentment. "You really love me, don't you?" he asks softly, words shaky as he clings more tightly to Seto. Seto's hand finds Kano's erection, stroking softly to the slow tempo, and that keening comes again, high pitched and uncontrollable.

"I do, I always have. You don't have to live this way, Shuuya. You don't have to be alone."

Nails dig into Seto's back and Kano gasps, "I love you too, Kousuke," falling silently from his lips as he shakes and hits his breaking point, more so from the emotion than the slow stimulation. Seto captures his lips gently, tasting the moan that finally sounds right this time. He doesn't even think about himself until Kano has finished shaking and his eyes open, and he says he can keep moving. Instead he separates himself from his lover and finishes into the condom with just his hand and the peaceful look on Kano's face.

"Please don't leave," is the first thing Seto says after it's all over, because goddammit he knows this whole thing is a thousand times harder for Kano, but that doesn't mean it was easy for him to watch the man he loves come so close to self-destructing in his lap on and off for months since they all went their separate ways. Seto knew that he didn't lose his family when they all decided to get their own apartments, but apparently Kano didn't, and that was just as bad as it being true.

"Kousuke."

"Yes?"

"Kousuke, Kousuke, Kousuke." It's a mantra, a hope, a plead, a thousand things at once and from the look on his face, Kano can't seem to stop. Kousuke cleans Kano's stomach and his cheeks with a tissue from the night table as Kano repeats, eyes hazy and sleepy. Arms wrap around Kano and his words fall to a vague murmur as he's held, cherished. When he speaks again, his words are sharper, more focused. "I'm not fixed, you know."

"You don't have to be," Seto murmurs. "I'm not fully fixed, either."

"You'll have to be patient."

"I promise."

"I'm a liar, and I'm a lot of trouble."

"We grew up together. Am I supposed to stop caring now?"

Neither can really tell when the hazy conversation ends when the sleeping begins. The only thing that matters is that when Seto wakes up, Kano's still in his arms.

A/N: That was my first attempt at anything vaguely like this, and my first Mekakucity Actors fic, so please forgive me if it's bad/ooc. Requests are welcome for a bunch of different ships and fandoms, just let me know. Please leave a review, constructive criticism is welcome. To be proofread weekend of 10/31/14.


End file.
